Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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