gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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