So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
