Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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