Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
