i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
