1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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