it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
