I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
