Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
