I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
