You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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