i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
