I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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