Tell her she can't have a vagina
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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