i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
