This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
