check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
