yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
