apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
