you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
