I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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