Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
