Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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