Where is the hickey?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
