I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
