I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
