I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
