imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
