ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
