just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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