Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
