Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
be right there i have to get my cape
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When are your genitals available?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
