Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
