If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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