So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
