Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
