wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
