Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
