At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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