Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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