pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
