The maid of honor just puked.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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