i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
