he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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