Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
