Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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