I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
