i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
