# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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