He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
