i jhust puked up my retainher.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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