Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
