She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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