people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
