I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
