You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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