I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
