WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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